I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize