I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You are a genius and a whore.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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