She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
