In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
