Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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