You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
