The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
