Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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