I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
