yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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