I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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