My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
