Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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