What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
