I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
