josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
