You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
