Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
