just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
