omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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