She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
