I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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