he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
