the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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