You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
