I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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