After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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