Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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