I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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