sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize