Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
