just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
