i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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