There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
