I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize