Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm always down for nudity.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
