yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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