i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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