my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
