Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
