So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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