And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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