I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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