When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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