There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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