This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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