she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
