I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
