I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
