what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
