We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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