I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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