so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
