so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
