We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize