my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
