I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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