yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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