At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I will pee on everything he values.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
