When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
