Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
