After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize