Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
