My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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