hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
